[disclaimer: in case, you just read the title and the first line of the blog and don't finish it. to set the record straight: i am NOT an alcoholic.]
So this semester, as a sociology elective, I am taking an intro to substance abuse studies classs. One assignment we had was to go to an AA (alcoholics anonymous) meeting. It was due yesterday, Wednesday evening, so of course I waited until Tuesday night to attend a meeting.
I was a little anxious about going to the meeting in the first place. My dear friend Ryan agreed on going to the meeting with me. The meeting began at 10pm, and was located at Penn and Britton. Before entering the meeting, Ryan mentioned that immediately after we walked into the room , I should let them know that we are students and we are just doing this for a class. So, we walked in and quickly found our seats. There were about 3 people in the room upon our entering, and no one came up to us and introduced themselves, so we just remained seated silently.
By the beginning of the meeting, about 35 other people had joined those of us in the room, of all ages and all walks of life. Shortly after the meeting began, they asked if anyone was there for the first time, or was visiting from another club. We remained silence in hope that we would should blend in and remain anonymous. So after about to introductions of newbies, he said 'alright, now we'll go around the room.' Beginning with the first person to his left, 'I'm _____, alcoholic.' and then continueing from person to person with the same introduction. I whispered to Ryan that we should just say we are students; he said that he was just going to go with the flow. And i followed suit as well, saying aloud, "I'm Shaila, alcoholic."
I immediately felt guilty for lying to the group, but hoped I wouldnt be found out. The title of this meeting was "There is a Solution." Therefore, the chairman began then followed by other members, would state what their solution has been to staying sober and their darkest moment when they realized they had a problem and needed to change something. Story after story, each member continued to share their heart. After quite a few stories had been shared, they then presented those who had sobriety birthdays. Then we continued on with more solutions. Then the inevitable happened, the chairman asked "Is it..Shaila?" I knew that this moment would come, I could feel it in my gut. Luckily, I had already ran this scenario in my head about ten times in the past 30 minutes. So i began,
"I'm Shaila, and I'm actually a student at the University of Central Oklahoma. I'm taking a Substance Abuse Studies class and I am required to come to this meeting..."
As I continue with what I said, I want to pause here and say this to any one who is struggling with alcoholism, or any other addiction, that just as I said this to the people in the room that night, I say this to you as well:
I continued..."I want to thank you for your vulnerability and for your honesty and for sharing your story. I think for me and for those of us who know people personally that are self-identified and unidentified alcoholics or people struggling with addictions, that it offers hope. It tells us that people can and do change. Being here with you guys, I can sense the community. You guys are not walking along the road to soberity by yourselves, but are walking together. Thank you for that, thanks for being there for each other and for others and for offering hope. Thanks."
And then my turn was over. The meeting continued on for a few more stories and a while longer. And then we, along with those at the meeting, walked out the door and walked back into our lives and our routines. The meeting was good. Honesty feels really great. Being vulnerable and being with people who let themselves be vulnerable feels great. And if you don't know that feeling or haven't felt it in a while, I encourage you to give it a chance. You won't regret it.
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