It has been an incredibly long time since i have updated my blog. a whole month to be exact. i hope the silence is not misleading, this is not an indication that nothing has been going on in my life. it may be just the opposite. there have been times i have made a mental note to jot that down on my blog, but frankly, mental notes as of lately have been pushed to the back burner and simply forgotten or ignored.
this last month can be summarized by the words: vulnerability, refreshing and cleansing, freedom and growth, obedience.
in a book i was reading one time, i came across this quote: "as vulnerability creates vulnerablility, so trust creates trust." i feel like this has, is, and will always be something i strive to live by. but i feel like when we seek to be vulnerable to ourselves and to others. we only seek to be vulnerable to a certain degree. we begin to think that 95% transparency is acceptable, and that it counts as being completely honest, and yet we keep to ourselves the dark struggles and the pet sins.
well through scripture, through friends, through the Holy Spirit, through convictions, through prayer- i have felt that is no longer acceptable in my life. we can not fight these battles alone. so as of lately, i have began to talk. (and yes for those of you who know me- talking in general comes easy, but im talking about a whole new level of conversation) i have began to open up fully with those who i am living life with. i have chosen to share in hurts and in struggles with them. no more acting like i have it altogether if and when i dont. as a result, i have been able to share my burdens with others , as well as taking some of their load and carrying it alongside them. and sometimes in life, you think that you are all alone and in reality, we are all struggling and alot of times, we are all silently struggling with the same things. in this last month, i have felt more alive than i have in a long time. i am living freely. i am growing in spirit and in truth. i am walking, struggling alongside loved ones. and i think to myself, 'i think this is what the church is suppose to look like.'
i am a firm believer, that when you are obedient in the small things or in the things that the Lord places in front of you at this moment, then as a result of obedience, other doors where you can be obedient will be open, and as a result it will be easier to be obedient in the future things.
so i know this blog may seem kind of vague and scattered, and if it comes off that way- sorry. sometimes its hard for me to articulate my jumbled thoughts. but in spite of those jumbled thoughts, i know this: the Lord has a plan and i trust Him. He is Sovereign. He has not failed me yet, and i dont think He would start now. and i am on the edge of my seat....
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